suddenly everything is coming back

home. i am so drained.

i've been sleeping at 3 am and waking up at 5:30 everyday.

anyway left school at 12:15 midnight yesterday.

it was pitch dark.

the thick fog was stifling.

and the silent journey triggered my mind to wander.

i looked around and i'm all alone.

no one in front of me to lead the way.

no one behind me to catch me if i fall.

no one beside me to share the burdens of today.

no one. no one at all.

and it's my fault.

aggravated by circumstances and compounded by a stubborn character.

it has always been a lonely walk.

even though i know there are people around me whom i love and love me.

it has still, always been a lonely walk.

i can't find a way to verbalise it, i can't say it, i can't share it.

i don't know how.

and here i am drowning in my thoughts.

i am human too. you know?

i've been working very hard.

you said time is what i need.

you said you'll give me all the time.

can't you remember that?

i don't need any promises, cos i no longer trust anyone.

i don't need anything in return.

i can't keep trying.

i don't know what on earth is going on.

i have no idea what you're thinking.

i cannot go through everyday.

by wondering, questioning, guessing what's going on.

and hoping silently that i am doing the right thing.

i can't do this injustice to myself.

it's not supposed to be like this.